One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.”

The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.”

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.”

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here — we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!”

Broccoli Chicken Casserole

Yields: 6 Servings

“Quick and easy casserole mixing together chicken, cream of mushroom soup, cheese and broccoli soup, cheddar cheese and broccoli florets. Sprinkle dry stuffing mix over the top for a crunchy, tasty topping.”

Ingredients:

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 1/2 pound broccoli florets cooked
1 1/2 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 1/2 (10.75 ounce) can Cream of chicken soup or brocc & cheese
1 1/8 cup Milk
1 1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cup dry stuffing mix
3/4 tablespoon Paprika
1 1/2 clove Garlic minced
1/5 teaspoon Onion powder
1/5 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1  pinch Ginger

Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
2. boil or otherwise cook the chicken and shred or cut into bite size pieces. Meanwhile, steam broccoli until crisp but tender.
3. In a small bowl mix together the soup, milk, onion powder, Italian seasoning and ginger. Set aside. In a 9×13 inch baking dish mix the chicken, broccoli, soup mixture, and cheese. Sprinkle dry stuffing mix over the top and bake in the preheated oven for 25-30 minutes.

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.

He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.”

So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.

When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

…and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

<As seen on Comedy Central>

Strange Flavored Chicken, originally uploaded by Wolfrage.

So $coworkers and myself went to a local Chinese restaurant and everyone tends to go through the buffet line looking at the food, not the labels.

But not me.

And boy was I glad I looked up and saw this label. Stopped me from trying the chicken myself and finding out the hard way.

Remember how Sesame Street was the ultimate kids show? Apparently we were wrong. In fact, the new DVD release includes a warning of “These early Sesame Street episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of todays preschool child.”. Oh my God, what evil have they done to us, the masses who were deceived into thinking it was a kid’s show? What hurtful things damaged our fragile, young, impressionable minds?

Carol-Lynn Parente, the executive producer of Sesame Street”, told Virginia Heffernan in an interview about Alistair Cookie and the parody Monsterpiece Theater:

Alistair Cookie, played by Cookie Monster, used to appear with a pipe, which he later gobbled. According to Parente, That modeled the wrong behavior, smoking, eating pipes, so we reshot those scenes without the pipe, and then we dropped the parody altogether.

OH NO! How many poor kids have turned to pipe eating because of this horrible skit? I don’t know of any kid who began smoking because of Cookie Monster so the pipe eating must have been the main issue.

Another bit, among many others, was that Mr. Snuffleupagus is only seen by Big Bird and nobody else in the beginning of the series. Well, apparently that’s too creepy for kids, who would never have an imaginary friend. In 1985 Mr. Snuffleupagus was able to be seen by the rest of the characters because apparently Big Bird seemed too delusional for the comfort of the producers since nobody believed Big Bird until then.

Ah, Sesame Street… Thanks for giving me a new excuse to blame my actions on now that I’m an adult! It’ll give my shrink something new to work with!